"So much hinting! So little real communication. Ugh. No wonder awkwardness
abounds among singles. Could there be a more elegant way for men and women to
communicate? There is, but it doesn't rely this heavily on hints. A hint is only
a glimpse of a larger statement. It is easily misunderstood because it is only a
fragment of the necessary information. We hint because being direct seems so
costly — even though in the long run, hinting is notoriously ineffective."
This article reminds me of a recent, rather thought-provoking, discussion I had with a former teacher of mine, about the recognized social rules for romantic relationships in western society and the problems incurred for the individuals seeking such relationships. (This so called “discussion” consisted of the positing of a question regarding his thoughts on the meaningful and appropriate romantic relationships). I, a young college freshman woman still trying to grasp the meaning of the short-term and long-term relationships I see around campus and of my own interaction with the opposite sex, was rather curious to know what Matt, a young intellectual 20-something (I wonder how many more adjectives I can fit in here) newlywed, believes about romance and the way of going about pursuing a serious relationship. I’ve discovered that the best advice, nay, the best wisdom imparted to me has always come from those older, more experienced, more learn-ed individuals; such as my tutors, mentors, and parents.
Anyway, back to the article—what is it about being direct with someone you are interested in that is so costly? Maybe it’s the fear of rejection. Maybe it has to do with not wanting to come on too fast or too strong, scaring the individual away, often resulting in not having moved fast enough before the other person loses interest. Perhaps part of it is the indecision which plagues our generation of young adults. The ability to leave things ambiguous and undefined appears to be the greatest talent of 18-25 year olds, and yet this is most harmful to relationships where communication is important.
It seems, however, that the biggest problem we have (which is aided by these social rules) that so often trips us up is our own will to control the direction the relationship takes instead of allowing it to develop naturally. But how do we allow things to develop naturally? Well, it takes time and patience but it also requires directness of communication. Yes, find the mean between the extremes; it is the only way. But we cannot find the mean alone. We don’t have that kind of power. We must seek Christ to be the center of those relationships. It comes down to surrendering control, and allowing God, as it is His right, to direct us and our relationships according to His will.
